What’s The Most Important Thing in a Relationship?

Everyone wants to have a great relationship, but many don’t know where to begin. As any good builder with tell you, a structure is only as steady as the foundation it sits upon and relationships work very similarly. But what is the key to a strong foundation for your relationship? Many will say “communication, communication, communication,” but, while honesty is an integral part of any relationship, the strongest relationships are based on something far more important: a genuine connection.

The answer is simple, but in practice, it can be a little more difficult to than you might think. We all want to be loved deeply; deep affection that leads a person to act unselfishly in our best interests. Our partners want the same as well. Just think about how young children respond to their parents when they’ve done something for which they are proud. Think about how you responded the first time a pet showed you that special brand of affection only a creature with no ulterior motives can display. In these relationships we can see what it’s like to be with someone who simply wants our presence; that they like being with us. Genuine attraction to and enjoyment of another person leads to a healthier, long-lasting relationship. Relationships built around appearance, wealth, position, or sex usually include a fantasy that fades and results in predictable disappointment.

It seems like a no-brainer: find relationships where both partners truly enjoy spending time with one another. In order to be coupled comfortably, we need to find a way to adjust to the negative forces and pressure that life throws at us and still appreciate our partners. For example, imagine you and your partner have adopted a new puppy. The little pup is still only six months old and not quite house trained yet, so when you get up every morning it’s a good idea to turn the light on and check where you’re stepping. However, the puppy is so fun to play with and so loving that you really enjoy spending time with it. So much so that you’re willing to put up with a little poop!

When couples truly enjoy spending time with one another it can lead to a sense of love and create a desire to build a life together. With routine relationship maintenance that includes devoting time, honesty, and an empathetic ear, a relationship where both individuals enjoy spending time with one another can last for decades.

“Without the ability to love and enjoy people, you and I will be emotionally starved,” said experienced psychotherapist, Christian W. Mosemann, MSW, BCD of TPMG Behavioral Health. When you find someone you truly enjoy spending time with, you’re better equipped to deal with the trials that all couples face at one point or another in their relationships. Successful coupling leads a person from self-centered behavior to acting for the good of the couple; sacrificing time and resources for the good of another.

Finding that person you truly enjoy spending time with can be difficult, but enjoyable relationships are a priceless treasure worthy of being cared for. Couples who truly enjoy one another can work through their problems and rekindle the fire of attraction and love; however, you can’t rekindle a fire that’s never been lit. You can’t get something back that’s never been there.

For more couples counseling advice, make an appointment to see the experienced professionals at TPMG Behavioral Health.

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About Christian W. Mosemann, LCSW, MSW, BCD

Christian W. Mosemann, LCSW, MSW, BCD, is an experienced psychotherapist practicing at TPMG Behavioral Health in Newport News, VA. Mr. Mosemann’s primary professional interest is in couple’s relationships and he enjoys working with couples to help them work towards and, ultimately, maintain a positive, loving relationship. He believes there is nothing finer than coming home to an environment of mutual trust, respect, and genuine enjoyment in your partner’s company.

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